Sunday, May 9, 2010

some days...

Some days all the food in the world isn't enough.

Some days housework is just that.

Some days meditation is just silence.

Some days two hours of exercise feels like a drop in the ocean.

Some days feeding your body is just the beginning.

Some days just having all the tools doesn't mean you can build anything.

Today I am home. I could be working on numerous projects. I am on my second cup of tea, but feel like I need a nap. The dogs and I have been for a two mile walk. I have watched an episode of Desperate Housewives while using the stationary bike. I have done dishes.

My house is full of things used to create stuff. Cameras, paint, computers, decoupage glue, recording equipment, microphones, pots, and pans. There are days (like today) when I feel as though they are simply for decoration. I know how to use them. I've done it before. I've created my own little masterpieces. Today they suddenly seem alien to me. I don't know how they work. I have forgotten what they do, or why they do it, rather. We are all wasting space together, waiting for lightning to strike.

Some days all I do is not binge eat.

I spend all day fighting to not fill my gut or stuff myself into silence. So I gather healthy, sensible ingredients. I combine some herbs, frozen steamfresh veggies, shred some leftover lemon pepper chicken breast, organic chopped tomatoes, kashi rice pilaf, corn, lentils, black beans... They all meet in a pot. The pot gets hot. It will stay like this for some time. It will make a soup.  It will be placed next to the stuff in the fridge which is newer than the stuff in the freezer. It seems as though I am always in some transition between stocking up and pairing down.

Some days there are just tomorrows.

Some days there is only hoping that tomorrows are better than todays.


  1. I hope that your tomorrow is brighter and more productive and spirit feeding. :)

  2. Those days happen my love. Somedays I have to clean out those pots from the fridge and it spills on my toes and I have cold mush all over me. But just know that I love you. Know that you are loved. Know that you are an inspiration to not only me but to the people that read your blog. The people that watch you bust your butt in the gym. The people who don have a voice or can't find the words. You inspire them. And you also remind them with things like this that life isn't always great and easy. Sometimes life is just crappy. Sometimes we have crappy days or years or decades. But in the end you can't go back and change the beginning of the story. But it's never too late to change the ending. I love you. And I am sorry if you are having a crappy day where you want to eat the paint off the walls. But I will be home soon and woul be honored if I could cook my beautiful wife and the mother of my fur children something delicious for a special dinner. -me.

  3. Sometimes we just need to be blank. It's frustrating but if you stuck to your plan then you did well! I hope tomorrow is a better day!

  4. It really helps to hear this. "Some days all I do is not binge eat." That's what today is for me. I started with some fruit and since then I've had to walk away from the kitchen about 5 times. But what you said is the answer I was looking for, that's my job today. I'm not even thinking about tomorrow, just today and what I put in my body, and why. thank you for sharing, so that I don't feel so alone.

  5. Today as I sit at the computer eating my sweet potato soup & spring mix salad I'm not craving the Cadbury's Royal Chocolate bar on my desk or the delicious cupcakes downstairs provided by my well-meaning mother. Not today but possibly tomorrow. Who knows what my tomorrow will bring because I've had days that I've eaten several Cadbury's chocolate bars and a whole tin of cupcakes. Today is not a binge day so I'll send as much strength as I have to you for your today and maybe tomorrow you'll do so the same for someone else.

  6. This is such a beautiful post. It puts into words what so many of us are feeling but don't know how to say.

    I think it is ok to have those days. It's like cleaning out the soul. I pray today is a more exciting and fresh day for you.

  7. I am so glad I read this. Isn't it amazing that somedays all we can do is concentrate on not reforming old habits? ((sigh)) good job on writing it out. Writing it out makes it real and tangible and therefore there is much less liklihood to relapse. Good job.

  8. I can totally relate. I am having one of those weeks. Totally falling off the wagon and into old habits again. Ugh! It's a constant battle but know there are others out here that know exactly what you are going through. Hope everything is better!


  9. "Some days feeding your body is just the beginning." I think that good writing is really properly communicating what's happening on the inside. You got this.

  10. U inspire me. I just joined a gym after gaining like 8- lbs and I am dedicated to go down from an 18 to a 10. I love your blog. I love your energy. And I def love your spirit. U rock :)


  11. I stopped by your blog today. Congrats on your loss. Some days are better than others aren't they?
    Less of Me

  12. I just found your blog today. You're progress thus far is simply amazing. You should be so proud of yourself. I hope you update more, and more frequently. If nothing else, just know there are still people out here rooting for you!

  13. Hi! I just found your blog through one of my new followers! Love the new you! Keep up the great work! BTW, we have the same blouse- red with the ecru embroidery around the neck- but mine is black!

  14. You're a winner! Come pick it up at my blog, you beautiful blogger!

  15. This is so poetically written ... love it! I can really relate to the "Some days, all I can do is not binge eat."