Sunday, May 9, 2010

some days...

Some days all the food in the world isn't enough.

Some days housework is just that.

Some days meditation is just silence.

Some days two hours of exercise feels like a drop in the ocean.

Some days feeding your body is just the beginning.

Some days just having all the tools doesn't mean you can build anything.

Today I am home. I could be working on numerous projects. I am on my second cup of tea, but feel like I need a nap. The dogs and I have been for a two mile walk. I have watched an episode of Desperate Housewives while using the stationary bike. I have done dishes.

My house is full of things used to create stuff. Cameras, paint, computers, decoupage glue, recording equipment, microphones, pots, and pans. There are days (like today) when I feel as though they are simply for decoration. I know how to use them. I've done it before. I've created my own little masterpieces. Today they suddenly seem alien to me. I don't know how they work. I have forgotten what they do, or why they do it, rather. We are all wasting space together, waiting for lightning to strike.

Some days all I do is not binge eat.

I spend all day fighting to not fill my gut or stuff myself into silence. So I gather healthy, sensible ingredients. I combine some herbs, frozen steamfresh veggies, shred some leftover lemon pepper chicken breast, organic chopped tomatoes, kashi rice pilaf, corn, lentils, black beans... They all meet in a pot. The pot gets hot. It will stay like this for some time. It will make a soup.  It will be placed next to the stuff in the fridge which is newer than the stuff in the freezer. It seems as though I am always in some transition between stocking up and pairing down.

Some days there are just tomorrows.

Some days there is only hoping that tomorrows are better than todays.