Astonished...

Bootcamp last night was brutal as expected. In the middle of it I got really light headed felt a bit like I was going to either pass out or vomit everywhere, thankfully after I took a breather and blew my nose  I did neither of those things! ... when you can only breathe through 25% of your nose it is more difficult. But the work that I have been doing to improve my squats and lunges is showing! Kevin was impressed. That felt good.
Now for the even better news....

I hit 95 pounds lost when I weighed in last night!!!!!

I almost cried I was so happy.  Then, I don't know what possessed me, but I agreed to come in for an extra class at 7am this morning....
I woke up at 5 am and was in the gym by 6:00am. ugh. I drudged through my cardio and by the time I got started with my leg work, I was actually feeling good! Class got started at 7 and I ROCKED it. I felt really really good about the work that I did. I felt strong. Man, that is a good feeling.

So this is me... 95 pounds lighter... wow. 

Seriously, wow. 

I really did not think I was capable of this when I started. But now I know it. I feel it in my bones. I am going to do this. I am going to follow this through. I have changed for good. I am capable of reaching the goals that I set for myself. I can do this. For the first time in a VERY long time I am really proud of myself.

Now if I can just get my subconscious to hold on to this feeling and play this tape over and over instead of the self-doubting tape...

formspring.me

If you could go only to one restaurant for the next five years, which would it be?

I think would have to say subway... Lately Subway has been a Godsend. I know its safe. I can get something that I know hasn't been doused in oil, that I know is fresh and its easy to make the right choice. Its easy to just say no thanks to the cheese and mayo.
But I also really love this mexican restaurant by my house. They have a chicken soup that is fantastic! Its broth and chicken and black beans and avocado. Very yummy.. Very fresh. Very low fat.

Ask me anything

Pushing through...

Well I met my first big road block and frankly, I let it knock me down.
I was sick. Legitimately sick. So I took a few days off work and what did I do? I stayed out of the gym completely for a whole week and I layed on the couch feeling sorry for myself and I ate. I ate whatever I wanted. I slipped up. a lot. I knew I was off plan. I knew I was not doing what I needed to do, but I let myself use being sick as an excuse.
sigh
I went back to the gym Friday night and it was a tough one. I missed bootcamp class all week and all I had been doing was sleeping. I weighed myself.... I gained weight. *damnit* Three pounds. I DRAGGED myself through my workout. it was really hard. I left the gym, drenched in sweat feeling both accomplished that I went back but also really dissapointed that I let myself down. While I was working out I gave myself an extra ten minutes of cardio and an extra 15 reps of the lunges I hate and in my head, without even realizing it, I was telling myself that it was to punish me for my bad behavior. How odd. Its like there is this voice in the back of my head that is so hurtful...so mean! That voice never praises, never celebrates victory. It only tallies the failures and the disappointments so that they can be repeated back over and over again to remind myself of my shortcomings. Why is it that it is so important to me to be kind and thoughtful to other people, but never to myself? This is something I am going to focus on this month. I putting a hit out on the Negative Nancy in the back of my head. I think I have heard just about enough from her.
So now it is back to Livestrong.com for food and excersize journaling. Back to the gym tonight for bootcamp with Kevin... I am sure I will be wanting to cry by the end of it tonight!! Back to my whey protein/flaxseed/frozen strawberries/light soymilk smoothie for breakfast and kashi black beans, rice and chicken for lunch. I am excited though... I know I feel so much better when I do the right thing. I felt like crap last week. Eating crappy food and being sick and everything else. I think that is the best lesson I have learned so far is that I feel so much better when I make the right choices and when I do what is right for me.